Zippy (Letters to Pops)

Pops~

I’ll never forget this date for the rest of my life, but the mind is a powerful force. It likes to protect itself against pain and loss and devastation- or the memories of those feelings.

Today has been a good day, no crying-so far. I did however cry at church on Sunday (of course). I never remember why I’m crying until I look at the date and then every little thing from your last week to the weeks following just slams to the front of my brain. I can’t help but be devastated all over again at how much time was stolen from us, from your family, your friends, your church; all of it.

I’ve mentioned you a couple of times today and while not many people know the significance of this exact date, it doesn’t make the date itself or you any less important. Sorry if I’m rambling, I feel like I should always write on this day no matter what. Even if I don’t have anything particularly important or insightful to say.

I was at Walmart today, shopping for work and I noticed something spicy and told my friend, you used to call spicy or exciting! things, “zippy.” And I remember exactly how you would say it, with a zest and energy for life, few people your age have/ had.

How do we always know when something significant is going to happen? Even though it’s been three years (already?), it feels like it was just yesterday I was waking up to the phone call from Mom.

I don’t know how I knew what was going to happen when we all went our separate ways from Mamaw Judy’s birthday party the night before you left us. Nothing extraordinary or exceptional happened that evening, except that the 10 of us celebrated Mamaw’s birthday, welcomed Matthew back home from the islands and recounted all our memories from time spent with you. There was a heaviness in the air as we all departed even though it felt like, to some degree, everyone had said their peace. I don’t remember if I slept that night but as soon as I woke up and it wasn’t sunny out and I had a missed call from Mom very early, somehow I knew. You had hung on just long enough to celebrate with everyone one last time- and we will forever be grateful for that.

I’m beyond grateful for the huge love you constantly and consistently poured out over your family. What an example! We only need to stop and look up at the stars or into the words of our Bibles if we need to feel your presence and guidance. You’re always around, of this I am sure.

Even though there are days that go by where I don’t have that zippy zest for life you exuded; I will never forget your lessons, your patience teaching us to golf and fish, the way your face would light up as soon as one of us would run up the walk to your front door (almost made it to the end without crying), having grapefruit for breakfast with you and Mamaw; so many things I’ll always carry with me that remind me to fully live my life.

Love you to Heaven and back…E