Continued on January 23, 2021:
It’s Labor Day weekend, a weekend that we shared as a family many many times. There were American flag themed desserts and outfits, hamburgers and fireworks. Always a trip out on Uncle Mel’s boat to grab something to eat or just go check out all the massive boats that came out to play for the holiday weekend.
It’s another Saturday at the lake, close to home. Another summer fun day, another day I wish we were all at the lake house deciding amongst ourselves who was going to cook dinner or if we were just going to order Shebang’s pizza. I don’t think about you every day but there are days when I think about you all day. The sounds and songs I hear, the people I see. I swear I saw you twice this week and it makes me do a double take every time.
I got married (!) 10 days ago to someone you never got the chance to meet. He’s everything I didn’t know I needed and wanted in a partner. He likes to work with his hands and be outside. He likes to golf 🙂 you two really would have gotten along I think. Actually I’m fairly certain you would have and I take solace in that. You were there, in spirit, along with the other grandparents who are no longer here with us.
Today, the sermon was on community and connection with a smaller group of people as opposed to a larger group- quality vs quantity you know?
I feel like that’s something you excelled at and even expected of your family and those close to you. You had a true servant heart that bled into everything you did. You had a mission and core values for your life and you lived by those pillars every single day, no matter what arena you were in: church, home, teaching…
You keep showing up for me- sometimes in big ways but most of the time, in a cardinal hopping around in a tree (those are the times I need you most I think) it brings me to tears sometimes but that’s okay. It just means I’m a feeler. And I’m good with that.
One of the coolest things I’ve ever gotten to do has been in this job. We host this massive food drive each year and then we get to make food baskets and give them out to people in need in the community. It’s the sort of thing you would have totally been down to come help with; which is just amazing to me- I do things like this and think: “this is what I’m made to do” you know?
It’s a pretty incredible feeling knowing how privileged I am and have been my entire life that I could still have a heart to pray this prayer- credit to Caitlin Crosby Benward for these words:
“God, give me your heart for people. I want to feel what you feel for people.” “Open all the right doors that are meant for me, and close all the wrong doors that are not meant for me.”
There as always been an undercurrent of service in my life- and I’ve always been told I’m good with people and building relationships.
I think the idea of quality versus quantity makes a lot of sense. It’s tough to see all the hurt and the need in the world and then to only be one person and on top of that feel like you wanna solve it all.
When I get overwhelmed, I’m reminded of these wise words:
Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can.
I feel like if you had a mantra for your life this would have been it.
I try so very hard to make you proud and will work to keep your legacy of servant leadership intact as long as I live.
I love you,
E