Letters to Pops: Celebrations

Pops-

I think all my favorite memories of you are on a loop so I’m sure I’ve repeated myself multiple times writing to you.

But I don’t care, because today, I can finally take a breath, step back and be reflective and introspective on life and the funny turns it takes. And cry apparently, as is typically the custom when I sit down to write and talk to you about things you should have never missed. Sometimes I get angry with God about how early you left us, but it puts a fire in my heart to write, and keep writing; because even when I’m sad and/ or angry, it’s the perfect catalyst to get the words on the paper.

My birthday is this week, Friday. My 25th birthday was at your and Mamaw’s house. I had the quarter century number in huge balloons, I wore a pretty dress, and had on a tiara (because why not?) and I’m not sure you really knew what was going on, but we were all there together and that was, and always is important to me. Being together, gathered. Celebrating. I’m not really sure where my propensity for loving my birthday came from but it’s the one time of year I don’t worry about what I ask for- it’s my ‘happy day’. As usual, I’m rambling, but I’ve felt a pull, or a push, or something that I just need to talk to you; so shall I write.

Speaking of celebrations in life.. guess what?

Kevin and I got married 6 weeks ago. All this, it’s been rolling around and around in my head, trying in vain, to form, until now.

What a celebration we had.

I’m writing this while my wedding photos are looped on a background on my desktop. Those are the best memories of my life, to date. I can’t believe we had to put a picture of you on a table that said ‘we know you’d be here if heaven wasn’t so far away’. It was a beautiful tribute to all the grandparents who are no longer with us.

It was at the Devon Boathouse on the Oklahoma River. I’m sure you would have enjoyed it. The photography team we had was so sweet and so professional; I’m sure you would have given them both nicknames by the end of the night. Mamaw wore her wedding ring (it’s been too big for a long time) and looked gorgeous in her navy blue dress. Mom was beside herself, she was so dang excited; Cole sang and played his guitar, and Daddy gave a speech in front of a whole lot of people! I was so proud of everyone, that entire day was so perfect, I can’t imagine how it could have gotten any better, save for the fact that I wish everyone we loved could have been there. I wish I could remember every detail, so I could recount it to you, but even though I did my best to stay in the moment, there are so many things I can’t recall right now. The pictures of the day, start to finish, are phenomenal; intimate and moving; letting everyone’s personalities shine through so authentically.

Do you remember the day I was baptized? It was Easter 2000- I was 9. I remember that day pretty well considering it was now, 20 years ago. I remember the whole family gathering in the first couple of pews at First Christian Church Midwest City on Key Blvd. I remember Les asking me if I took Christ to be my Lord & Savior and then dunking me into the baptismal waters. {Les was the pastor who married Kevin & me- funny how life comes full circle.}

I think I was scared because I remember hanging on to his arms pretty tightly thinking there was no way he wouldn’t drop me- silly girl. Talk about testing your faith at an early age. Sixteen years and one month later, my faith, the faith you helped me build and nurture- was tested again. Your suffering finally ended, we celebrated your life the best way we knew how, and laid your earthly body to rest.

I so wish you could have been there to witness Lauren and Bryce get married, and Kevin and me, feels like a huge hole we just can’t fill sometimes, but there’s always something to celebrate, something that reminds me that you are never far away; and for that, we will always be grateful.

Love,

Me